This is the second in a series of posts about embracing all of our emotions as necessary and beautiful aspects of our development of self and relationship. I draw on my own experience living in community at Sunrise Ranch, my training as a Shadow Work facilitator, and from a life dedicated to practical spirituality.

I don’t think “spiritual” people are made to feel more shame for any emotion more than anger. Anger is seen as dark energy, destructive, ugly. Well, for any of us who work with this emotion in our lives, we know first hand how ugly it can be. When anger is in control, people destroy relationships and they can ultimately destroy themselves. So we should turn away from this emotion when it comes up right? And get back in touch with our magnanimous selves, shining light and magic all around. Wrong, for me anyway. When I push anger down it pops up later in unexpected and destructive ways.

So if we can’t turn away, and can’t give in to it totally, what path is available to us? We can listen to what the anger is telling us. And like any other emotion that comes up, what it first tells us isn’t usually the core energy of it, so we have to ask questions.

A Story:

This past weekend I went to a performance by Elephant Revival, a great local band that describes their music as “transcendental folk”. There are five talented musicians, and center stage is a young woman who plays washboard and other percussion as well as sings. So I’m up front with two friends, standing with a little swaying going on every now and then, when I hear two guys behind us talking. They’re talking like they’re out at the adjacent bar, without leaning in or lowering their voices. Talking like they’re not up front at a relatively quiet concert, but as if there’s loud rock music all around covering up their voices.

And I feel…angry. I get warmer, flushed even. I’m pissed off that this beautiful music is being cut across by unaware rude people. That my night out is being jeopardized, that everyone around me is having a less good time because of this distraction. And I have to change this! I start with a raised eyebrow glance back at them. I get my friends to agree that this is indeed annoying. I continue with two raised eyebrows aimed at them. Finally I reach my peak of “This is Not RIGHT”-ness and walk over to them and say “would you mind keeping your voice down? though its a really beautiful voice I’d really like to hear the band right now and its difficult.” The guy says he’ll keep it down. I turn around, and two minutes later it starts up again!

What do I do then? I’m stuck–either I have to put up with this like it is or confront them again with more “umph”. But then a radical idea occurs to me. I MOVE over two feet to the left. A small smile finds its way to my lips, and I enjoy the rest of the show in peace.

My Learning:

When I thought about this later, I wondered what that anger was really about? For me, it was about not being in control of my experience. I wanted to be having a certain experience, and someone else was messing it up! It was also about feeling protection about something precious that I felt was being disrespected. Emotions aren’t always rational. I think they can be more rational the more we look at why we felt and reacted in certain ways.

I am more aware of the fact that I am very uncomfortable when I feel imposed on, like I’m not in control. When I feel anger in the future, I can ask myself “Does this have to do with not feeling in control?” If so, I remind myself that I am ultimately in control of my experience and can choose to see things differently by “moving two feet to the left”. My anger is helping me to see that for my personality, having the power to experience life as I choose to is very important. I thank my anger for encouraging me to bring strong energy up when that is not happening so that I take notice and make a change.

I am also more aware of how protective I am of things that I see as beautiful, artistic, innocent. If anger comes up around other people and their relationships, I can ask myself “Does this have to do with protecting something I hold precious?” If so, I can look at the situation and decide what energy is needed from me to help. Maybe there is a line that has to be drawn to protect someone who cannot protect themselves. Or maybe it’s about offering my love and support them. I thank my anger for showing me how much I care for the tender things of heart that need support.

For those of you who know the Enneagram Personality System, you would notice that these are clear characteristics of an eight. If you do not know your number, I encourage you to take the test, as it is a very useful tool to see how your type tends to interact with anger.

Helena Barrera

Raised in New York and Connecticut, Helena is a graduate of the Johnston Center for Integrative Studies in Redlands, California. Her self-designed emphasis was: Facilitating Personal and Organizational Transformation: Psychology, Sociology, and Religion. Her Masters is in Business Administration with a concentration on non-profit management. Helena lives in Denver and works for Sunrise Ranch. Her passion is to provide settings where people can know and express their creativity, power, and unique spirit—in a spiritual seminar, an office meeting, or around her dinner table. Follow her on Twitter

Share this article:

Filed under: Personal Growth, Spiritual Community, Uncategorized by hbarreraLeave a Comment »

Thank you for visiting the Journal, the official blog of Sunrise Ranch in Loveland, Colorado. Please subscribe to our blog and feel free to leave comments on our articles!

Share this article:

Filed under: Uncategorized by adminComments Off